Mrs. Homeschool

I was so encouraged by the responses to my article last week that I wanted to continue by writing a follow-up message.  One of the responses came from a dear friend…the very first homeschool mom I ever met, and one, whose example, God used to bring me to faith in Him.  Mary is now at the point in her life where her children have “graduated” and she shared an “idol” that, I think, many mothers struggle with…making our own children idols for ourselves.   I very much appreciate her candor and transparency about this.

As a homeschool parent, isn’t it hard to live for God and not just for our children?  I mean, practically every moment of every day is spent with our children: feeding them; instructing them; playing with them; working with them (either in a business or just trying to keep the house sanitary).  We pour our lives into them quite literally.  And yet, if our children are our only focus, it’s hard not to place them on a level of importance that is more important than God.

I think it’s easy to look at other stereotype moms and dads that do that with their children.  i.e. “Soccer Moms” and images of little pageant princesses and boys who are pushed to be super competitive at sports by dad come to mind.  (Note:  I have no personal issues with pageants OR sports…these types of parents just tend to get lots of media attention!)

Please don’t misunderstand me and think that I’m promoting being a detached parent by any means.  I’m just saying that we need to keep our priorities in check.   The relationship with our spouses is so critical to nurture during these years, yet our time and energy seem to be drained to a negative balance on a daily basis!  Where is the time for nurturing our relationship with our spouses, and especially our Lord?  What happens when our entire lives are so entwined with our children that we don’t recognize ourselves when we have an empty nest?

We can all bring at least one or two couples to mind that had marriages fall apart after their children left home.  It’s really no wonder.    Will you still be a “homeschool mom” after you stop homeschooling?  Does that even make sense?  Certainly helping new and experienced homeschool moms with their journey is a wonderful blessing, but I’ve seen examples of some moms that cling to that role because it seems like they have no identity outside of that and are frozen in fear of moving on.  And I do emphasize the latter statement of being “frozen in fear”.

Mary noted her comment (you can read it here) that as she “relinquished control” of her children, God was able to grow them into young adults that are doing things for Him that she’d never imagined!  What a blessing for her children to know that their mother had enough faith to let go!  We can’t be homeschooling moms forever.  May we never be stuck in any position simply because we’re afraid of change!

Another idol that families, regardless of their schooling preferences, get sucked into is the “keeping up appearances” idol.  You know the one…the house has to be perfect, the children MUST behave at all times, their day to day schooling covers 9 subjects and the children do their work gleefully.  GAG!  BLECK!  Who ARE these people???  :o)

I’ll be the first to admit that when we have people coming over, it’s like I am transformed into this freak of neatness and my children are sent clamoring throughout the house, trying to put away and tidy up the last thing I mentioned.  And half the time, I call them to have them do something new BEFORE the poor things have even had a chance to fulfill the first task!  So WHY in the world do I send the entire house into a cleaning frenzy?  Because my priorities are out of whack and I value other people’s opinions of what they *might* think about how I keep my house ABOVE showing kindness and gentleness to my own children.  Yikes…that hurt!  (Maybe this newsletter is becoming like therapy for me…who knew!)

Can you come to grips with the fact that you truly can never have a spotless house with children living in it?  I can always find something else to clean, as my dear husband pointed out last week as I fretted (ok, I was seriously stressing out) over showing our house to a possible buyer.  I think many homeschool families feel an additional pressure to keep up appearances because we go “against the flow” and know that we are often looked at through less than rosy colored glasses.

Sometimes, we just need to be real.  We need to let people see our flaws and let others know that, yep, we’re just like they are…warts and all.  When someone seeks your opinions, do you act like there’s really no other option, but your way or can you empathize with their situation knowing that there’s often not one best way.  God is SO merciful to us…to use imperfect and severely flawed people to do His work.  Do we have to try so hard to hide our humanity from everyone?  Where is the GRACE in being perfect?  We don’t need Grace if we’re perfect and therein lies a fatal flaw.  I love this verse from the ESV:

Ephesians 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,”

Nope…no perfection needed from God.  He’s given me the gift of His Grace and no work can I do to earn it or keep it.  Whew!

Misplaced priorities seem to always head towards imbalance, don’t they?  Once we think we have one thing figured out, we’re smacked with another that’s gotten out of hand.  Have you struggled with wanting to hold on too tightly to your children?  Are you afraid that your friends might see through the false front of perfection you’ve beautifully painted for them to see?  If you’ve overcome these struggles or if you’re trying to overcome them, I sincerely invite you to share your comments below.